A Woman’s Story

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Boinair’s (Sacajawea) life as a child is filled with love, family and friends… Her people are nomadic, following the buffalo in season. Sometimes food is abundant, and other times scarce – but always they believe the Great Spirit cares for them and brings them everything they need. After four years of captivity, Sacajawea returns to her people with the Corps of Discovery. She longs for the man she loves and believes he is waiting for her return. It is hard to see so many loved ones gone – stolen or worse. Her tribe is hungry, waiting for the buffalo hunt, and mourning their many lost. Her family embraces her, but something in her young life is about to change — something she doesn’t expect that nearly crushes her spirit. A broken heart is the worse pain of all.

It is for “Women” that Sacajawea brings her story to us in our time. It is humbling to share how her spirit has been essential to my own life and growth. She has touched me in so many ways…

When I was a little girl, I was loved and cared for by family and friends. I had a nurturing mother and father who did not fight or abuse me – they were the embodiment of loving kindness and gentle spirits.

When I was 20 years old, I was married in a flowing, white gown, to a man I loved with all my young heart. I thought my life would continue in peace and harmony. We would have children and raise them to be strong and good in every way, with a mommy and daddy to love them.

Let me just say….
The spirit realm and Creator work in mysterious ways. From our deepest self, we call what we need to learn for the path we have been given. Sometimes it takes a lifetime of pain before we realize that — sometimes we never see. I did not know at the time of my marriage, that my path would lead me to write the story of Sacajawea, and I did not know her spirit was with me already. At the time, my life was easy and filled with light. Deep darkness had not shown its face, and because of that, I was not yet whole…

After nearly four years of marriage we had a beautiful daughter — and a couple years later, a son. Life seemed to be unfolding before me just as I had expected…

The Great Mystery…
I tell this story to show you how Spirit works in our lives. No matter how dark it gets, Creator wants to give us the desires of our hearts. In order for us to truly see, we must understand, circumspectly, the light and the dark, for both are the desires we seek to learn from. Only in that way, can we transparently embrace what Creator has for us…

So, I want to tell you about the moment I realized there was deep darkness in the world. If someone had asked me if the world was dark, I would have said, “Yes, of course,” not wanting to appear naïve, “There is sadness everywhere.” But, I would not have truly known, because up to this point at 27 years old, I was not able to know.

It was the beginning of summer… My baby was 6 months old and my daughter was 2 ½. We were gearing up for a wonderful season of walks with the stroller and trips to my parent’s lake cabin. It seems surreal, looking back — but one day in time, through a brave, caring soul, I learned my husband was unfaithful.

Sitting on the porch that night, knowing he was with someone else, was the most horrific and devastating night of my life. I cried, I screamed, I prayed, I was confused, I didn’t understand… My heart was turning inside-out and ripping apart. I was so alone. And, yet, not alone — I literally felt something pressing down on my right shoulder, and I thought it must be the hand of God.

The Universe at work…
It would be 25 years before I would write Sacajawea’s story, and before I would become aware of her presence in my life. But, once I woke up to that awareness, everything made sense — I realized and recognized what I felt that night pressing down on me…

It was her sweet spirit. I have felt it many times since. She cried with me then, in my darkest hour.

That night, I learned something. That night, I became whole. That night, I had to walk on, for even though I didn’t know it, the true love of my life was to come. It was many years before I could completely break down the barriers and hurts from my broken heart, but forgiveness helped me heal with a clearer vision of pure love.

As with Sacajawea, she believed her betrothed would love her forever – he’d accept her back if she could get home. But, that was not her path…

I never would have known what Sacajawea felt if I had not experienced what I did in my life. I was Called to write her story, and I was given the tools I needed along the way. We have to trust Creator. The step we take after heartache is our choice. As women, no matter what happens on our journey, we are created to be nurturers, caretakers and givers-of-life. How will we use what we are shown, how will we grow from it, how will we share ourselves with others to fulfill our rightful place?

Even in the midst of Sacajawea’s greatest heartache, she made a choice. She walked on. She rose to a new purpose. She was Called, and answered the Call, to bring her story to us in our time… Sacajawea shows us transparent Love, Light and Peace, and that is what will empower and change the world.
~ Jane L. Fitzpatrick